youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
