can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
