summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
