; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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