god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
