well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
