Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
