shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
