dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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