I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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