I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
