Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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