Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i came on her dog
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
