I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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