I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
