what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
