It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
