he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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