yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
