She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
