do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
