We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
