He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize