Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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