please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
