Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
