Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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