I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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