The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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