and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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