her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
