We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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