i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize