just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
