did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Randomize
