she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
