when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
