While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
