I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
