I didn't shave. On purpose
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
