Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
