yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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