It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
