On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
