What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
