I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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