Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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