I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
