I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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