so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
