just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
