take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
