Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I accidentally had phone sex last night
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
