Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
