Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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