How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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