Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
