im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
