we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
be right there i have to get my cape
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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