ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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