Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
