I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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