Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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