shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
