The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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